And finally my country has witnessed, what the whole world has been experiencing in last few months but what I would not have perceived couple of weeks ago – a mass revolution against the single biggest issue of India, cancer of our society – Corruption ! Salute to Anna Hazare and whole of India who are doing it possible – we guys will do it, this time !

While India is great country, brilliantly tolerant and thus this sustainable society – we are not extremist by any sense. Our economy is growing, the money is flowing and things look good but they could have been much better, had Corruption not being an integral part of our nation. This tolerance while is one of big strength, it has created the atmosphere of “Chalta hai”  … 4-5 people are adjusting in 2 seat berth,we say – “Chalta hai”. Police stops at check point and the first thing we do is bribe. We are 1.2 billion people, fastest growing economy, everyone is looking towards us to lead the world – still we are poor, we are not progressing on education reform front as quick as we should, we are unhealthy, we die in flood as well as in droughts … why ? If corruption is not the answer to all the questions, it’s the answer to most of those.

Our politicians are most corrupt people in the world, people say that we choose them. Right – we choose them but do we have a choice? We choose a lesser incompetent than more incompetent, but everyone around is incompetent. Look at my home state, UP, what are the options – Mayawati vs Mualyam Singh? Whom to vote? Congress is banking on Gandhi dynasty popularity wave while BJP is busy in shuffling off and on Ayodhya. Politics is a gutter, all are dirty and we choose one who stinks less at that point of time.

While Congress government has done well in its first governance, it has been screwed up badly in this part – scam, after scam and more scams – and these are the ones which are unearthed. Prime minister is saying that he was not aware – then why is PRIME MINISTER? He must be aware and if not, then quit. He is clean but so is my maid’s dad? He is knowledgeable, so what, we have large pool of scientists in the country ? He is everyone but politician? He is filling up the time for Rahul Gandhi to be ready and become prime minister one day – such a hypocrite country !

Ohh, this blog is about the recent mass movement that’s taking place in India. Every square is on the verge of becoming Tehrir Square under the leadership of Anna Hazare – the person behind the RTI Act. Few sentences on the objectives of this movement – this is to bring Lokpal bill in the country. This lokpal bill is similar to office of Ombudsman in other countries where there will be body consisting of former chief justice of Supreme courts and high courts, independent of politics just like our Election commission and Supreme court. They’ll have authority to prosecute ministers, public servants and all those cases will be done on fast track courts, leading to quick execution of judgement. There is this whole tussle on the draft of this bill. Politicians, as always wants this bill to be as symbolic, derogatory and symbolic as possible to make mockery of one more bill. Then there are lot of fine prints and media has been printing all that since last so many days and you all should be aware by now? Are you? If not then please be as it’s your India as well.

I repeat that ours is great country and the next wave of development will belong to us. We need to get rid of this corrupt politicians, there is no limit of their greed. Comeon guys, crores make sense but crore of crores are just way too much. All this money is kept in Swiss bank or coming back to India through Tax Havens. This is all our money – our hard earned tax money. It’s we people who are getting bad roads, bad schools, bad healthcare system, bad security, bad transport. Our national sport has died, not because we couldn’t produce players but because our politicians have eaten all their money. After Olympics, China has been talked and praised everywhere – they have shown the world their might and what have we shown? Our corruption. No talks on the success of Commonwealth or to leverage the infrastructure for Kalmadi has made more than the whole event. Bridges were broken, dogs were found in the athlete’s room, labors litter everywhere. I am surprised that we have not got the threat from International Olympics association to get debarred from the games. Alas, they could not – we are the second greatest economy and continue to do so.

My this blog is not my usual or perhaps my most usual. I didn’t proof read it and nor checked the flow of thoughts – there is anger, frustration, sadness. I pray and wish that this movement should not die in the gallop of time and this time, enough is enough. It’s time to rise and do Egypt, Libya and Tunisia in India !

Amen !

Regards,

Pawan

Photo Credit: Deepak

In Cricket world, there can’t be anything bigger than this – India vs Pakistan semifinals. Suddenly after second quarterfinals, when India defeated Aus and it was decided that India will play against Pakistan, rest of the matches started looking abased (Sad for NZ who have beaten the favorites yet choker SA and for SL who have lead marvelous 10 wicket win over England !). Perhaps they play cricket but India-Pak eat, live, breathe, worship Cricket.

Why did I turn to my forgotten blog (yet again)? Because if something as big as this can’t move me then perhaps no news ever will. In Bollywood terminology (though I have given a Hollywood title), this match is going to have everything one can imagine- strategy, action, drama, politics, emotions – you name it and you have it !

Though like every Indian who thinks that he is a Cricket expert, I can plan to give stats- how Sachin is on verge of 100th ton in International cricket or how out of top 10 batsman in the tournament, three are Indian and Pakistani batsmen don’t even figure in top 25 or how if Afridi is bowling great (Alas, I always think of Afridi – the batsman, if he has started bowling then he’s going to be India’s 12th player) and is no.1 in bowling ranks, then Zaheer is no.2. There is never ending stat sheets on how India has beaten Pakistan in all the previous four world cup clashes but has lost in both matches at Mohali or how Yuvraj, wearing Purple patch, will do in front of his home crowd? There are so many things to write but will I (ohh or did I? ) ? No !

No doubt, this is important. The looser team has to face wrath of their people and winner team perhaps can afford to loose the finals without public anger, Ohh… yeah ! It’s more than a game especially after reading and listening various newspapers and channels since last couple of days. The stage has been set between the two countries with Indian Prime minister sending invite to Pakistan President and Prime-minister and Pakistan in turn accepting it. If I have my facts correct then it’s going to be first visit in a decade of a Pakistani PM to India. Indian PM and his Pak counterpart with atleast 100 of their associates, alongwith all the industrial heavyweights – Mukesh Ambani, Vijay Mallaya and various Bollywood personalities and a huge crowd of fans from both sides of borders – Mohali is going to present the best site, one can imagine in a a game, atleast in India sub-continent !

At the same time, Mohali has been converted to a fortress, with TOI reporting that there are jet planes and anti-aircraft guns deployed in the city and there’s multi-layer security arrangement right from highly sophisticated Black CAT commandos to Central and State force, intelligence agencies like NTRO has also been roped in. The intelligence already has been conveying how extremists can target the tournament, I have full faith on Indian security agencies. They have been hit before but only the people who stay in hotel or travel in train. I am not denying that there might be numerous attacks which has been uncoiled by our security agencies before they even get executed but has even one of our leaders or politicians hurt in these terrorist attacks? Recall, recall more …. Ohh the parliament attack but none of the leaders have been hurt even then. It was just the policemen deployed at the gate. Without dragging the topic to one of my favorite trajectories, I’d say to all my Indian and Pak friends that nothing is going to happen in this match because India and Pak PM are present, their security is in safe hands.

About the results, like all my country mates, I wish India to win but out of no hatred to Pakistan. If you see then these people are most like us, they are our neighbor, they eat the same food as us, speak the same language and has same dialect as us, we share the same genes and same natural disasters like floods every rainy season and famine in Summers, hear the same songs, watch same movies – we are born out of same country ! We are like a family whose younger brother has gone on a wrong path and the elder brother being engaged and convoluted in his own affairs, instead of giving support and helping hand to it’s younger brother started putting the blame of its problems over him.

While the politics is the root of all evil between India and Pakistan, may this 6 hrs game of Cricket change things, hey Ram and Ya khuda !

This post is dedicated to Kenya and all Kenyan lovers.

I don’t know for how many it’s gonna be puzzling that with so much to report from my mother land, I am still writing a blog over half a world away African country. Honestly, I don’t know much about African politics nor I have any first hand information which could have compelled me to write this. But wait … wait, one has his own explanations and mine are:

1) I have stopped reading Times of India and now am an ardent fan of Reuters and BBC website.

2) Something happening this far must affect me only when it has something to do with me. This something can be anything, any sort of connection with this beautiful place(I have done my research over this country !), some future setting, or might be something subconscious. Though I am not sure, yet there is something which excites me about Kenya, because someone gets excited even at the mention of Kenya.

Enough of pleasing… let’s come to the point.

It’s being days since atrocities are being reported in Kenya followed by disputed re-election of President Mwai Kibaki. There is big tussle going between ethnic group and presiding government. Today only, the main opposition party and defeated opposition president candidate Raila Odinga plans to hold Kenya for consecutive three days while police immediately responded that they’ll not allow any such rally. Recent peace talks with Ghana president failed miserably and now another political celebrity Kofi Annan is coming to Kenya for mediating peace talks between the two parties. Dialogue, is ofcourse the most suitable way rather than killing innocent Kenyans and destroying property, but looking at African history and Kenya neighbors, it may sound far-fetched. Ironically, Kenya is supposedly African’s most democratic country.

In a good article at Reuters, author is highlighting the impact of Kenyan unrest over the whole African continent. How a country which stood iconic among its dangerous and unstable neighbors, is now on the verge of breakdown? The whole economy of the region is at stand still and at the same time, seriously impacting other countries which directly depend on Kenya for their respective economies.

The above all the things are simply horrendous details which anyhow I have read from one place or the other. What frightens me is an extreme synchronous characteristic growing among the people worldwide. Hey correct me if I am wrong, but aren’t we facing something alike in SriLanka where Tamils and Sinhalies are fighting, in Bosnia, in Iraq, in Rwanda, in Pakistan, in my own India. The people who have been living together with peace suddenly become one another’s enemy. My little mind fails to understand the psychology of common people, yes, those are killing and are getting killed, all are common people. How these ordinary people can get up one ordinary day and decide to kill their neighbors. There are several anecdotes which are so engrossed in my memory after reading “Votes and Violence” that I can recall each word of few paragraphs. How a child who is running away from fire is caught and then hurled back in the fire again? How a pregnant lady’s womb is first cut and then she along with her half born baby is set to fire? This is not at all humanity, let alone forget tribalism or ethnicity or regionalism or communalism.

Now this is the same thing which is happening on this peaceful, prosperous country. There are iterative accusations and counter-accusations running all around. How Kibaki manipulated the things and how elections got rigged? Comeon, rigged elections issue can be solved on a table. Call international peace agency, ask African Union to mediate, request your Nobel winners to come, but killing innocent people, crippling economy and hitting tourism is not an acceptable idea. I am not that much worried with problem  of fixed elections which is at hand but with the long term implications of ethnic discrimination which are getting sowed in Kenyan soil. Experience tells us that such problems become so complex with time that it’s impossible to get away with them.

The most disheartening fact is the way these crimes are executed and then justified over the name of community justice or pride or whatever. Such acts are generally outcome of hatred or feeling of superiority of one community towards other where they wish either to isolate or demonise the other community and are generally backed by the political leaders preaches. They are most well coordinated programmes, which are executed cold bloodedly against common people at severeal places at the same time. The other community reiterates and which is inevitable too and then continues a cycle. Is it the start of that cycle? I wish to be wrong.

I have written this long for an universal problem: the problem of rising intolerance among people, among communities, among neighbours. What’s the solution ? Honestly, I don’t know. The symbolic gestures of UN have highly demotivated the international community. How many of us can recall UN president in two second’s time ? It could have been an authority which could have act and investiage the crimes against humanity. The political crime of election tempering is not that big as the crime of hatred and ethnic discrimation which has led to deaths of thousands of Kenyans and displacement of many more.

Hey, the regular sight of children being squeezed at the handlebars of motorcycles or sandwiched between mother and father, while mother is trying to side-saddle herself is now going to be uncommon. Ratan Tata has added another glorious chapter in Indian Automobile Industry today by launching perhaps World’s cheapest Car (have to check on this extrapolation of mine )

I still remember the hype which was fashioned when Tata launched Indica. It was depicted as Indian Car (afterall, it was misnomer of country name), and to own Indica was like a symbolic patriotism. At that time, it was being given various titles like Car of the year, Indian revolution and some other exuberant credentials which I’ll not write here as it’s past now and Nano is the In thing [:-)] 

Ratan Tata seems to be in hurry to launch his this dream project otherwise I am sure if he would have waited for couple of more years then with India’s rapid economic growth, this project would have lost its sheen [:-D]  Jokes apart but it’s truly a commendable achievement for which Tatas should be given the full marks. They have always been ethical and people oriented. Fine, no business can sustain without profit making but how many can dare to have this project in pipeline?

Just two days back, there was announcement from Bajaj Auto which is currently only into the two wheeler and three wheeler market to produce it’s own low budget car (however, they have made it clear that it’s not going to be as cheap as 1 Lakh !). Also, we might see a rush of such broadcasts from the likes of GM, Hyundai, Toyota, Ford, Nissan etc. I don’t get the privilege to see the car closely but as reported, it’s 80% of size of Maruti 800, and at the same time, it’s giving around 30% more interior space. They have peculiarly designed the car such that tyres are at the extereme end and few like things. The money which Tatas have spent into designing this car would now be easily saved by its rivals. Afterall, it’s not easy to design a thing as car in as much price as Rs. 1 Lakh. They must have spent a fortune in hits and trials and all those painsticking efforts now could be easily copied. With Nano out, we can expect many more to follow and can be sure of crowded companies even in this market arena. God bless India and its population where there is ample space for everyone and everything [;-)]

I don’t wish to predict the future of this car at this point, though i am more than inclined to be optimistic. If the car provides a satisafactory performace, then undoubtedly it’s gonna be smashing hit. A welcome news for Indian consumers who have one more choice for their money and perhaps bad for Indian roads which are already in dilapidated state. With millions more cars, we can just pray for our daily commuting.

Kudos to Tatas.

Yeah … i have found new friend,
which is not going to abandon me till i am damned
The nocturnal cigarettes made me creep
And i woke up in the middle of night from my sleep
I have to smoke, i gotta smoke
but i finished the pack in the last one stroke

Should i express how i am feeling,
bumped into my chair, staring the ceiling
If u r a man, you must understand how did it felt
an ache in the heart and a desire under your belt
I am shaking, and my eyes are damp
I am bumped into the chair, knocked over the lamp.

Cigarettes Cigarette ….
what’s ur secret ?
Is it the sound of paper getting creek
or the power to control fire at your fingertip ?
There is no heaviness in heart so strong
Which can’t be vanished into smoke by a fag.

I know i should not let this habit be fed
but I am getting down, checking under the bed
God, show me some luck
Get me one match stick and few crumpled butts
Cigarette, I wish you to have
But i don’t smoke you, you smoke me, am your slave.

Photo Credit: yishiang

A child was born way back in 1983 in a aphotic corner of a big house in completely conservative setup. His mother was not allowed to be out of the house for the fear of ghostly spirits. Irrespective of doctors and nurses, the old daai was preferred to carry out the painful task. The child was born, sweets were distributed all around, huge celebrations because of the child being male. It seemed that child has won the first contest of his life by being male (don’t know though, how ?).

Except the child’s dad, everyone of the family were in business. The child grew up with the tales of his family saga. His great grandparent was zamindar of a small town and whole town used to bow down when he used to take a ride in his horse-cart. His grandfather had passed the much coveted MBBS exams (which were perhaps most ambitious one after IAS) during his time, but owing to family pressure, he succumbed down and came into family’s business and i.e. of jewelery. He fought the town’s municipal election and won the chairman post but again because of family pressure and being the only earning son, he left the seat in between and turned to business completely. He had a big family to feed, eight children, one retarded younger brother. They flourished. It’s said that during that time, their house was as big as the small fort on the outskirts of town and people from across the town used to come with their architects.

But time changed. The prosperous family disintegrated owing to various reasons, which include a great ‘pomp and show’ life style carried out by family members. Every brother got his business. Things became cliched but carried out. Except the child’s dad, none of the children of the grandparent were interested into studies. So child’s father got the best education in the town available because they fear that child’s dad might get kidnapped or may get the same habits as many of the town’s boys if he go to city.

Child’s father preferred to join a government service at small village rather than being into family business. He by then understood the importance of education and gave his children the best possible education. The child was sharp, but still stubborn. Mother took charge of his stubbornness and beat him hardly when after exam he reported that he had done a two marks questions wrong, while he was knowing the answer rightly, just because he was not feeling to write and was anxious to come out. After that child was under immense pressure to perform not because of his interest but for the fear of his mother’s stick. He always stood in top three of his class throughout the school days.

When child grew a bit elder and become more matured, the fear of stick went away and replaced by a feeling of responsibility and expectation. The expectation of his parents, teachers and all those whom he know. Everyone coming to house, praised child’s meticulous brain and child was happy. He was the cynosure of his class and students love him so that he could help them in exam. No-one teased him just because he was good at studies even when he didn’t smoke and even when he used to bring a tiffin box unlike all other smart guys. Again he had to maintain his grades and personality so that he could carry the same reputation in his batch otherwise he would be teased. He worked harder in his new school where the guys were comparatively smarter unlike his previous village school. He again topped the exams.

Then came other aspects of life to the child, to quote one extra curricular activities. The child’s dad was of the opinion that a good student must be good orator and must be participating in most of the debate competition. But the child was more fascinated by a big playground in front of his house. The best batsman there was the son of a milkman who lived in last house of the narrow street. But with time, all the friends moved away. They all were made to study. Child tried to be good at extra activities. He took part in debate competition, wrote a good speech with help from each and everyone, he could ask for. He memorized the speech religiously but day before, he put some bombastic words to make the things impressive, and when it came to final stage, the child got nervous. He suddenly forgot the first line written. He tried to hold his shivering legs, his aching voice but suddenly busted into tears. Perhaps the child’s only and ever display of helplessness in the public. Child felt bad,well wishers felt worse. He was asked to take this as a challenge and not to loose heart. English teacher came to rescue and especially held an internal debate competition for the child himself. Child was being given a ready-made speech with easier words and more rhythmic lines. It became his schedule to revise the whole speech once in a day in-front of his mom and then English teacher for continuously 10 days. Child went to stage, without any stakes of his own but the hopes and reputation of his English teacher. He stood first and English teacher was happier.

The school days passed, and now he was expected to be serious with his future. But he was clueless. He had heard a lot about some institutes known as IITs, where only finest students got admitted. His family wanted him to be an IITian. He went to coaching and found guys, who were 2-3-4 years droppers. Thousands of students with diverse family background but only one aspiration, ‘Mission IIT’. In first coaching test, child managed to get 6/20 and for the first time, thought that he got failed. But coaching teacher generously put the passing marks at 5. He was embarrassed but there was not any reverse turning. Everyone in the relatives and well-wishers was looking at the child and his parents hopes were on him. He worked hard and got under 800 rank in screening. If sky is the limit then that was sky. He was overjoyed. In Mains paper, he managed good, except forgetting one formula and that cost him a seat in IIT.  How his life was dependent on one formula, he understood only later. He was sad, but still fine, for IIITM is more than that what anyone in whole family had ever been to.

He came to institute. A bigger stage. Students from across the nation were his batch mates. He tried to study hard and play harder. For the first time, he thought that he was independent. But alas ! He had to mug all those heavy books which his mind refused to understand. He couldn’t reason out the rationality of the things. He began to question everything. He put on a fighting spirit and try to mend the things. He put on lot of efforts in whatever the things, he got his hands on, right from website designing to projects running in the institute. He got acclamation and then was looked forward for every other thing in the institute. He was happy because he was important, known by all. But soon things started burdening him. Why was he doing all these things ? While others were preparing for their self, he was toiling big time for institute and that too seemingly against the wishes of everyone. Again there was a void. He lost all interest, started working towards himself.

He met a no. of fellows, became more matured and more  confused.He appeared for CAT, ruined the exam, again after carrying hundreds of expectations over his shoulders. Somehow, just managed a border percentile and got couple of IIM calls. He read a lot. Tried to identify, what he wished to do ? MBA from IIM came a reply, but that was not the aim, it was just a mean !

In all these years, he had learned one thing and that is since beginning he is carrying others. He has been living for others, if not directly then indirectly. Humans are characterized as social animals, but if they are so social that they don’t have any independent life. There is boredom, there is suffocation and there is a looser feeling many times. Is that a life ? Can’t there be every day where a person give himself a smile, that yeah i lived a day of my life ? Why is to so that we happen to pass most of the times of our lives trying to be or fascinating to be someone that we are not ? But again the big question remains … what does he want ? He doesn’t know  and he mean it, but he seriously wished to find that. Finding that aim is not easy. He has to make himself dirty, have to put a lot of hit and trials and will then see what excites him ? Where he felt like that he is the best ?

There is no end to things, no end to competition, this the child has understood and even sky is not the limit. There is another world, galaxy existing beyond sky. If there is no end then why is it all ? Why people indulge in this rat-cat-dog race ? Answers are there bit none convinced me so far. Where is the end ?

Photo Credit: Waldo#4

[Disclaimer: This post is a vague cum desperate attempt to diversify my writing. One of my good blog critic lately claimed that I don't write her ‘kinda stuff’. I agree and here's this experiment. Being a neophyte in such ‘kinda stuff’, i hope you’ll bear this whimsically strange post.]

He looks at his wristwatch. It’s just 9:30 , then why is this feeling of uneasiness ? He pours expensive whiskey that his friend brought from Scotland last month, into his glass, took the soda, but doesn’t mix it.

‘Things should be pure’, he says to himself. And in next second, he gulps it down. Why is this whiskey burning his throat as it goes down?

‘Where is she? Should i call her?’, he questions himself.

‘Nopes, she must be busy, else she is never late. She must be home anytime’. He answers himself.

‘But at least, she can call me once saying that she would be late ‘, he argues.

‘Yeah, if she could have then she would have. ’ , this time he replies himself in an annoyed tone to cut the weird thought process that have started to peep out in his head. He doesn’t want to ponder further.

But he is mortal. He continues to reason.

‘What’s the problem with me? Why don’t I understand simple things ? I have come late nights many times without informing her beforehand. She must have felt the same wretchedness. And I always had the excuses ready – the fun parties with friends, business meetings, late office hours. Now, keep quiet and wait for her.’

His thoughts frighten him. He decides to keep mum.

The hour-hand have completed one more round. It is really late. By all odds, he should be calling her now. She may have run into some problems with the car. Or she might have met with an accident and he imagines himself in the… No.

He slaps himself back to reality.

Quickly he picks up the mobile, dials her number, and put it on speaker mode.

‘The number you are calling is currently out of coverage area. ‘ An automated voice of a girl pitches out.

She is never this late. What may be holding her back? She must be in some trouble. But even then, she can call me. She should have called me.

He tries her office next.

The phone rings incessantly at her extension. Nopes, she is not in her office too. Then ? He puffs on yet another cigarette, smoke coming out of his lips, circling over his head and finally disappearing into nothingness. ‘Why does he smoke so much ?’ he asks himself. ‘ Fine, I’ll quit next week.’. He makes this commitment to himself almost for the ten thousandth time.

He rings up the office receptionist. The guard at the reception recognizes his voice instantaneously.

‘Hello, This is Mr. Praveen Gupta speaking!’

‘Hello Sir, How are you ? How can I help you? ‘ he inquires in a trained voice.

‘Hi Mansingh, May I know, if Madhu is still in the office? ‘

‘No Sir, Madam left at the usual time 5:30. She was with Rohit sir. Has she still not reached home? ‘ But the very next moment, the guard also understands the futility of his question.

‘No, Mansingh. Perhaps she went to some friend’s place. Good night.’ And without waiting for a reply, he slams down the receiver.

‘With Rohit! With Rohit! With Rohit! ‘ These words continues to echo in his ears.

‘So she is with Rohit ? Bitch !’ His dark-half starts.

‘Shut up! How dare you suspect her! Damned man !’ His white-half retorts

‘She is with Rohit and is that why she didn’t call him? Where would they be right now? In Rohit car’s or Rohit’s room or some hotel.’ He starts fantasizing.

‘I abhor you. You are the cheapest man alive. ‘ His heart weeps.

He loathes himself more than ever. He is going psychotic. A moistness comes to his eyes. Why is he torturing himself like this ?

The clock strikes eleven.

He curls himself up on the sofa. His big body stature seems to diminish now. Anguish or desperation ? Pain or possessiveness ? Trust or infidelity ?

He feels the growing of a headache. His eyes grows red and the face sullen. His soul feels tormented.

Suddenly, the door bell rings !

His eyes flash.

‘Ohh, honey. You are still awake ! ‘ She exclaims with an astonished voice. In the next second, she leans forward and gently plants a kiss on his lips ‘You are so sweet! The best hubby in the world’.

He gives a fake smile. He wants to scream, he wishes to cry. But he keeps his cool.

‘Hey, is there something to eat? I am starved. Rohit didn’t even offer me anything to eat.’ She looks in the refrigerator. She finds fried potatoes and while she was taking the bowl out, he took the casserole from her hands.

‘You must be tired. Sit, I’ll bring something for u. The maid has not come today.’ He informs her.

‘What? She doesn’t turn up again. I am going to find a new maid. It’s easier to get a home than a home-maid’ , she chuckles.

Then she suddenly asks, ‘Hey, what did you eat then ?’

‘We have arranged a colleague’s farewell party in the office, so have dinner there’ . He lies.

He is feeling void this time. No emotions. He doesn’t know exactly, what he should be doing or even thinking? He can’t unite the chain of thoughts going in his mind. Everything seems so vague, so desperate.

‘I am so lucky to have u’ , she says in a seducing voice while eating.

He smiles.

‘You know, Rohit’s wife is a bitch. I go to his home today. Rohit is planning to have divorce. But I advise him not to take and mend the ways. It’s bad to take these decisions so hastily. Right …naa ?’

‘Yeah, right’. He smiles again. Doesn’t say anything more, but certainly wishes to hear more.

She continues, ‘They have quarrels everyday on petty issues. Even after two years of their marriage, they don’t trust each other. I try to convince Rohit and his wife, both, in the best possible ways but I doubt if they get right in their mind. Its good that they don’t have any child.’

She finishes eating.

They lay by each other side. But sleep is far from his eyes. Should he ask her, why doesn’t she call him? ‘Nopes’, she has just been through a good mental exercise, his fair side responds.

‘What are you thinking?’ She put her one hand and curls up her leg over his thigh.

‘Nopes. Nothing ! ‘ He again wishes to outpour himself. But he doesn’t. He loves her. He worships her.

‘Tell me naa ! ‘ She comes nearer. He can hear her breath and their lips are just a whisker apart. He leans forward and gives her a light kiss.

‘Ohhh, I forget to tell you ! I break my mobile phone today. It fell from my desk and suddenly stopped working. Anyway, I am thinking of buying a new one. Rohit suggested the Nokia E65. Hey, my valentine day gift is still due over you. Why don’t you gift me that?’ She put both her legs over him.

‘Okie, sweetheart. I’ll get the phone tomorrow itself. Your old phone infact needed replacement’, he answers, trying to be enthusiastic, but stops short realizing that he has failed miserably.

‘Yippie, you are the best. I love you.’ And she gives the world’s best angelic smile. A smile which he ranks above everything, above all his materialistic wealth, above himself, above his soul. The smile which always enlivened him, but anyhow, he doesn’t feel enlightened tonight.

She goes lower. Makes a mischievous face. Winks. Embraces.

They start making love. But it seems that the storm has not yet passed. He continues to battle with the demons inside.

‘What happened? Are you okie ?’ She asks alarmingly, lying under him.

‘I am feeling tired. ‘ He rolls over and moves to her side. His hand limply touches her flesh.

There is silence for next few minutes.

‘Okie… you should sleep.’ She puts her weight over him, again trying to ignite. But all in vain ! And finally gives up.

‘My baby is tired. Baby, you sleep now! I love you … good nite’, she says credulously then takes a turn and sleeps.

He lies, staring at the roof. He is still smelling her, the small of her back gently touched by the dim light from the lamp and he is still trying to figure out. What ? He doesn’t find the answer.

He loved her. He didn’t want to lose her. He still loves her and doesn’t want to loose her.

Photo Credit : aihibed

During my 30 hrs journey from Bangalore to Gwalior, I read “India:From Midnight to Millennium” an appealing book by Shashi Tharoor. I have an affinity for books giving any kind of information about India, be it its diverse geographical limits or controversial age old traditions, its myths, its ideas. The book is an mix of fascinating account and eloquent argument  for the importance of India to the future of industrialized world. Although book is being written sometime in 1997, so some of the economic reforms talks have become byzantine, yet the social political sketch is a masterpiece.

I am in a habit to write the book reviews, and i may do so with this book so, but i am unwilling. Reason being, there is so much to comment and if i begin writing, i might not justify it with the depth. So, no book criticism! Something deviant this time and that would be chalk talk about religion, an exhilarating chapter in the book.

I am Hindu by religion and during my 23 age of age, i have grown expressions from strong fanaticism to school age atheism to antagonism. At tender age, Shivaji used to be my idol for just because i hate Aurangzeb and foe’s foe is your friend. Later, i grew up in body and brains, saw riots, understood religious extremism, gone bitter towards religion itself, stop praying and participating in the rituals happening. Further, i became more matured and got confused, for I begin to reason and question the very basic of religion and more precisely Hinduism, should say that this subject fascinates me and at present age i am trying to understand it. But this is strange, having born in a highly religious family (my grandparents have spent 18 years in Rishikesh where my grandfather did honorary administrator job at Parmarth Niketan Ashram and as a child i have invariably spent at least one month of my summer holidays there.) The stories of Rama, Krishna, Ganesha, Ravan, Kansa, Vishnu etc fascinate me but  my reasons are not willing to accept them as god. However at the same time, if given a choice i’ll choose Hinduism in all religions, for the reason that religion gives you infinite flexibility and it lacks fanatic dictum.

But whenever i read about Hindu fundamentalism, it pains me. Hinduism by itself lacks fundamentals, it’s most customized religion. There are not even guidelines, leave alone fundamentals. If you like serious idealism, pray God Ram and if you are notorious and jubilant by nature, there is Lord Krishna as choice. Noone will complain or ask. There are no organized way of praying, no particular architecture of temples, no rituals or rites to perform compulsorily nor any particular sacred book. Infact the very word ‘Hindu’ is not mentioned into any of our holy books but given by foreigners. French and Persian language define Indian as Hindu. History also remarks that all those living beside river Indus are Hindus. To make matters more funny, Indus river is now in Islamic Pakistan.

Hinduism has never been extreme. Its basically the indigenous religion of India, with wide set of practices and doctrines but no dogmas. Hinduism is perhaps the only religion that accepts the existence of other religions too and confirms that there are various ways to reach ultimate salvation. Hinduism has been most tolerant and most adaptive throughout in the history, be it Aryans or Mughals or English or Portuguese. They were welcomed, and even when Hindus suffered from atrocities committed over them time to time have never turned hostile (like zazia tax during Aurangzeb regime, destruction of temples etc).

Then what turned suddenly ? We are having mosque demolitions by Hindu fanatics, they are celebrating killing of muslims in Gujarat riots. We generally think about this, chuckle and attribute this to age old Hindus harassment and reason that its some mental emotional turmoil state and stop. Lets move one step forward, its not just emotional problem but it arises out of deep political and social erosion into the faith.

Its mainly twentieth century politics of deprivation that has caused this. The vote bank politics has put most liberal religion on the verge of identity crisis. Now there is fight for resources and resources are not divided on some rational basis but on caste basis. Minorities, SC,/STs. Backward castes are preferred in contentious democracy. Voters are mobilized on this basis and promised are made so. Now Indians have become more conscious than ever before of what divides us.

Take the case of Babri Masjid demolition in 1992. Just before this, there was Mandal affair trauma. The upper and middle castes erupted into protest over that. BJP, another political party smell the situation, diverted the already heated people towards Ramjanambhoomi andolan and finally led to mosque demolition. The point which i wish to prove is that had there been not Mandal issue, it would have been difficult for then BJP to attract such huge support from fanatics. Our socialists may laugh at my thesis that its Mr. VP Singh who is responsible for mosque demolition more than anybody. He is the cause, rest everything is symptom.

In this nation, when everything is seeming to go well, the appalling state of politics is worry. Despite all odds, our entrepreneurs are doing great and our state which should at least show some signs of improvement with time is moving backward. Perhaps the only nation, where people say proudly that they are backward and where in order to be forward, you have to be backward.

Photo Credit: elishams

I was being mocked for putting my interview centre at Ahmedabad … and now i am ranking it as one of the best decisions made. If it would have been Delhi, i would have gone, attended the interview for 2-3 hrs and the come back, but here at IIMA, i came across a new culture, i met no. of wonderful guys and moreover i feel like at home. Man, i am such a big idiot that i didn’t give the centre of IIMC at Calcutta. A piece of personal advice, if you can afford to travel then put ur centres at the institute itself … believe me immense learning involved !

I stayed with one of my seniors at A. And it was one of the best and most comfortable stay i ever had. I will not embarrass the man by writing things but yaa, it was brotherly treatment. To quote one instance , the guy didn’t sleep whole nite, i mean whole nite as there was only one bed and he wished me to have a good sleep before interview …

I met other of my seniors and it feels so good that they still admire you and always ready to help u. The interview tips and by sharing their interview experiences they defintely helped me in getting immense confidence. How they spoiled things and still got selected … mite be some of the stories are just cooked up but even then they served their purposes …

I met Abhay sir there too. He is one of the most motivational guy, i have ever seen. Have never seen anyone like him. Really, he is epitome of passion. How can one always remain motivated and keep his cool. When most of us get frustrated over things and feel like loosers, he start thinking how to come out of this. I have been skeptic about his company but i am too small a fellow for a guy like him. He is sure to have great life ahead. The s/w which noone is sure to even sell at 50000 bucks, he is now selling at 10 lacs …. and with the venture funding coming,he is unstoppable.

There is an instance that specifically need a special metion. It was around 7:15 on 18th, my interview date and i was ready in my formal attire and nervously taking to and fro rounds in the dorm gallery. A guy came and he was going to bathroom, watched me, asked me if i am going to have my interview. Stayed there for around half an hour, imagine. Chatting with me, giving me last moment tips. Do this, don’t do this. Stay calm,it really helps and what not … To my all positives, he said wonderful and to my negatives like comparatively lower percentile … he answered …doesn’t matter He repeated the same things which i was knowing from so many sources but at that point need someone to dictate to me. And there’s the angel. Thanks Dushyant !

IIMs are definitely the mecca of education. But again i felt one thing that there is nothing like this place is extra special, the guys are good but not the one that give u inferiority complex … i felt that i deserve a place with them …. same bakar … same lukkhagiri and same everything … but obviously with an intellect. I met guys who have been the poster boys of Week, been to world famous architecture of IIMA and new campus, the dorm culture, it was all agile !

I’ll cover GD/PI experince at a later stage. For the timebeing,i’ll say that it was chill. Nothing of stress, i don’t know if i’ll convert or not ? But interaction with the profs here is a lifetime experience. They know everything, man … my interview went from Risk to MBA to Politics to Pension to Gwalior to Aeroplanes to Maths to Earthquakes …. wow …

They were really two wonderful days and looking for more wonderful 5 days ahead [;)]